Bakura's Secret
by Shizuka4
Summary: CHAPTER EIGHT UP! *occasional swearing!* Yami Bakura has a secret. A secret that will destroy his ego forever if anyone found out. What will he have to do when Ryou finds out about it, and threatens to tell the world?
1. Default Chapter

Bakura's Secret  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh. Only the luckiest person alive owns it, and if I were he (or she), I would have already won the lotto.  
  
Rated PG-13 for occasional swearing.  
  
Yami Bakura=Bakura, Ryou Bakura=Ryou  
  
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"Well, let's watch some TV. My show won't be on for about 30 minutes, so I can watch something else until then." Bakura was bored. He had been waiting for the marathon of his favorite show for weeks, so he was burning with anticipation. He had to get Ryou and his father out of the house for the day, so he messed with the spark plug in the car, and now Ryou and dad were stuck out in the middle of nowhere with a broken down car. They were going to the mall for; he thought it was, an inflatable chair for Ryou's room. He couldn't risk anyone finding out about what show he was going to watch; it would ruin his image forever, so he took special precautions to make sure no one found out. He had earphones and everything, to make sure the neighbors didn't hear the TV. He plugged them into the hole marked "HP" and changed it to PBS. He waited for Arthur to be over, when he thought about how hot it was outside, and how mean it was to make the car break down in 98-degree weather. Suddenly, s very familiar sond rang through his ears as the show started. He snapped back to earth, and began clapping and rocking in rythem to the song.  
  
"Barney is a dinosaur, from our imagination.."Bakura got lost in the song. He loved Barney. He didn't know why. He just knew about it's bad rep, and how anyone watching it was a baby. He even bought a portable TV with earphones for the episodes at 4:30 on weekdays, and 9:00 in the morning on Saturday. It was Wednesday, and he was watching the 24-hour marathon of "Barney Classics", celebrating the show's 10-year anniversary. He watched intently. He nearly cried at the "I wuv you" song, because the episode was almost over.  
  
"Walk home from here, Ryou, and get the extra spark plug from the garage, you know, the one I use as a backup?" Ryou and his father were stuck halfway between the mall and their house, so Ryou would only have to walk about ¼ mile to the house to get the spark plug. He began walking. When he reached the door, he realized how thirsty he was, so he went in the house to get some water out of the fridge. He passed the hall into the living room, and saw Bakura sitting there, with earphones on, watching TV. Ryou did a double take, and saw his alter ego, sitting there, swaying and clapping like a child to an oddly familiar show. Bakura looked as if he had not noticed Ryou come in, because he was wearing the earphones, and his back was to the door. Ryou nearly passed out when he saw Bakura sitting there, the same Bakura that used to beat him up, watching.Barney the Dinosaur. He laughed and tried as hard as he could not to make a sound. His giggles subsided, and he went quietly into the garage to get the spark plug, and put it in his pocket. He had an idea, but it would probably require him running for his life, so he wanted to make sura he had what he came to get. He slowly went back into the house, and went into the den. He picked up the instant-photo camera, and got it ready. He only had one shot, so he had to make it good. Ryou hesitated at the mouth of the living room, going as close as he dared, and took the picture. He could tell, it would turn out fine.  
  
Bakura jumped as he saw a flash of light, and he spun around. He saw, none other than Ryou, standing there, looking like he just won a million dollars, holding an instant camera. "Shit" It took him awhile to process the data, but it was too late as soon as he did. Ryou grabbed the picture, abandoned the camera, and RAN FOR IT! He sprinted out of the house, and when he looked back, he saw Bakura was infuriated, and was chasing him, with those silly earphones still attached to his head. 


	2. Ryou in Control?

Ryou in Control?  
  
Disclaimer! - See chapter one.  
  
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Ryou ran for his life. He knew if he was caught, there went two things. The picture, and the feeling in his legs. He ran non-stop for ¼ mile back to his father's car. He only stopped when he was right behind his father, clutching him round the waist, (no, not like that). He took the time to get the precious picture in his pocket, and, feeling the spark plug, took it out and gave it to his dad. His legs really hurt, so he sank down, and sat in the dirt behind his father, trying to protect himself from Bakura.  
"Bakura! Why are you chasing Ryou? What's he done to you, son?" His father also looked scared in front of Bakura, his eyes glowing a malicious red. He was fuming.  
"He.took.a.picture.of.me.watching.watching.a show on TV." He finally choked out. He didn't want anyone to know. Ryou was looking at him, but now he was smiling. Smiling that kind of grin when you know you have a personal slave that will do whatever you want. He slowly pulled out the picture and pointed to his father. Bakura got it. Ryou meant that if he tried to even touch him, he'd tell his father everything. Bakura knew that Ryou's dad talked to everyone, he was a postal carrier, (he may not be, but for the sake of the story, he is.) Ryou mouthed to Bakura, telling him to fix the car. Bakura fought with himself, but soon gave in.  
"Let me help you with that spark plug. I'll put it in. You two rest. You had a long day." The words sounded so unnatural, coming out of Bakura's mouth, and Ryou and his father exchanged confused glances (Ryou just pretended he had no idea what was going on) before he gave the plug to Bakura. Bakura spent no time at all with the plug, he had figured out the mechanical properties of the car when he messed with the other plug. Ryou could hear Bakura mumbling through their link.  
"I'm going to get him. he'll pay...I'm going to kick his ass...oh, shit. I cut my finger."I wuv you, you wuv me"..." Ryou laughed to himself all the way home.  
  
The next day, Ryou's father had to leave on a trip for two weeks, leaving Ryou and Bakura run of the house until then. Right after Ryou heard the lock click on the door, and making sure his father was really leaving, he turned to face Bakura. "I've hidden the picture. You'll do as I wish, or I'll make duplicates of it, and put it in everyone's mailboxes, and hand deliver them to all my friends." Ryou looked really pleased with himself. "Oh yeah? Well, what if I beat you to a pulp, until you give me the location, and I burn it? What then? Ryou smiled even more. "I've told Yami where it is. He doesn't know what it is, I just told him to get it if anything happened to me. What will you do when the person you hate most knows your little secret, huh?" Ryou was filled with glee when he saw Bakura's defeated face. "Now, take this list, and do everything on it." Ryou handed him about 24 papers of things to do. Bakura scowled, but began to do the first thing, which was vacuum the house. He had an idea, though. A good idea.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Please Review! Give me ideas as how you want the story to go! 


	3. Bakura's Plan

Bakura's Plan  
  
Disclaimer: Well, if you're here, and you haven't read the first chapter, maybe you should go take a look at it.  
  
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Ryou was living in the lap of luxury. He had Bakura doing all his chores, and he had him doing everything else. Now Bakura cooked, cleaned, and handed Ryou the TV remote on occasion. It had been three days since Ryou's father left home, and Ryou loved every moment of it. Bakura, on the other hand, his face was red as a cherry 24/7. He waited, though, to carry out his plan, until the following day, putting up with Ryou until then.  
"Hey, Bakura! I'm going out to meet Yugi, and we're going to the mall. I'll be back at five!" Bakura thought to himself.  
"Maybe I won't have to wait until tomorrow, to pull off my act. I'm making stew tonight. All I have to do is talk to "the mouse." He'll give me what I need." Bakura slid out of the apron he was wearing, and he was glad to do it. It said, "Kiss the Cook" on it. He didn't like kissing, period. He put on a leather jacket and jeans up in Ryou's room, borrowing the clothes Ryou never dared to wear in public. After he was done, he left the house, and hopped on Ryou's bicycle. Ryou's dad had taken the car. He knew he looked retarded, wearing a leather jacket, pedaling a bike that was too small for him, but hey. He only had to go a couple of miles.  
It was HOT outside. Bakura had begun to regret wearing that shirt. He pulled into an apartment complex, and walked up the stairs to apt. 25D. He knocked, and "the mouse" appeared through the little crack in the door. He opened the door, seeing Bakura, and let him in. The apartment was dark; the only light came from about a dozen candles in the ashen fireplace. The windows had thick drapes on them, and everything was dusty. The Mouse led Bakura to a coffee table next to the fireplace with the candles, and they sat down to discuss business.  
"Hey, Malik-" he was cut off.  
"I told you to call me "The mouse" Malik whispered in a menacing tone.  
"Fine," retorted Bakura. "I know you know the predicament I'm in. I need to find that picture. I need to find it. Do you have what I asked for?" Bakura had explained everything before, and had asked for a truth serum.  
"I got something better. Look at this baby." Malik, I mean the "Mouse" had what looked like a mangled coat hanger with a red Christmas light on the end. "It's an "Embarrassing Picture Finder, or EPF. It works. Watch this." He got up, and pulled a picture of himself mooning a car out of his pocket, he hid it, and told Bakura to use the EPF to find it. Bakura grabbed the coat hanger, and started moving around the room. Nothing happened. He was startled when The Mouse yelled something.  
"Oh shit! That's the lady's underwear finder! I gave it to my Yami for Christmas, and Isis' undies are mysteriously disappearing. I forgot! Well, I guess you're left with this." He handed a vile with a cork to Bakura, who pocketed it thankfully, now having a reason to leave. It was stifling hot in that room. He turned to go, when Mouse grabbed him by the shoulders, and told him,  
"I want half the booty." Bakura ripped out of his grip, and turned around, looking at Mouse like he was a pervert. Mouse suddenly realized how sick he sounded, and replied quickly,  
"I meant the spoils, the loot, the shwag, get it?" Bakura still looked at him real funny, so Mouse opened the door for Bakura. The light outside nearly blinded the both of them, so Mouse pushed Bakura out the door, and slammed it. Bakura turned, looked at the door for a minute, and went to leave.  
  
Ryou had come home three hours early, after the Chinese food the two ate made Yugi sick, and he had to be escorted home by Yami. When he arrived home, he realized Bakura wasn't there. He went into the kitchen and saw the "Kiss the Cook" apron on the floor.  
"Bakura owes me five dollars" Ryou thought, after making a bet with Bakura he wouldn't wear it a whole day. He practically MADE Bakura wear it, though, after he mentioned the picture. Bakura walked in the door, and saw Ryou standing over the apron. "Shit" he thought to himself. "I'm going to have to borrow five dollars from Mouse's Yami. Unless he went to Vegas and blew it. Again." He looked at Ryou and smiled sweetly. Ryou also saw that Bakura was wearing his leather jacket.  
"Give me my jacket!" he yelled at Bakura, that being the first time he ever dared to yell at him. Bakura's smile sank, and he took off the jacket and threw it at Ryou.  
"It's too goddamn hot anyways," he snapped back at Ryou, heading to the kitchen to make the stew. When Ryou's back was turned, he brought back the smile, but not the sweet one, but the malicious one he was dying to use.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Well, what do you think? Please R&R and tell me SOMETHING! I don't care if you flame me. Give me some ideas, plz. 


	4. Flawless Plan?

Flawless Plan?  
  
Disclaimer: see chapter one, if you really want to read it.  
  
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Bakura busied himself with the stew. He cut up all the carrots, and tossed them into the huge pot that was cooking it. Next, he did the beef. He cut it up, but then went to pull the truth serum out of his pocket to add to the stew, and saw that it was missing! Then he remembered. He had put it in the pocket of the leather jacket, the same leather jacket he had tossed to Ryou! "Shit" he thought to himself. (Bakura says "shit" a lot, huh.)"I tossed my freedom to my enslaver! How stupid can I get?" Bakura was fuming more than usual. It disturbed Ryou.  
"Hey, Bakura! You need to finish cutting and add the beef before the carrots soften!" He turned to see Ryou with the smug look he had come to expect on his face. "That jacket, I can't believe how little you know about style!" Despite being really mad, Bakura burst out laughing. He pointed at Ryou's shirt, and laughed harder. "I don't know what you're saying! You dress in the dark!" Bakura was in tears now. Ryou knew he couldn't work any sense out of Bakura when he was like that, so he just left him to his stew. After Bakura regained control of himself, he went back to the stew. He realized Ryou was right about the carrots, and when he was done, the carrots were like baby food. Bakura ladled out two bowls, and went to give one to Ryou, who was sitting in front of the couch, flipping through channels. Ryou took the bowl without looking up, and continued flipping through channels. Bakura sat down on the couch, and began eating the stew. The carrots sucked. Ryou was still flipping, and for a split second, there was something purple on the screen. Bakura's eyes got really hopeful, but died when the next channel was news. He saw Ryou stop, and flip backwards two channels, so Bakura again saw lots of purple and some kids. The previous channel was also news. Then Ryou started having fun. He flipped back and forth from one news station to the other, all the time passing Barney. He knew Bakura was in agony, but he didn't dare to turn around and see his face. "Well, I just can't seem to pick my favorite newscast! What a pity!" Ryou was playing with Bakura, and he didn't like it. He started to get mad. Real mad. Soon, he was close to bursting, and then he did. He stood up so fast, he didn't even remember standing up. His stew landed all over Ryou, who began jumping up and down. "HOW DARE YOU PLAY GAMES WITH ME!" Bakura was pissed now. He grabbed the remote from the bouncing Ryou and went to hit him with it, but stopped himself. He saw Ryou, who had instinctively thrown his arms over his face, bracing for the remote, and he remembered that Yami knew where the picture was. He felt a twinge of caring for Ryou for a split second, but blamed it after the latter reason. He dropped the remote, and ran to his room. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* What'd you think? Does Bakura care? Send me suggestions! Please R&R! Thx! 


	5. Changes

Changes  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Thanks to all the people who have reviewed! Glad you like the story, and it gets even better. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Bakura sat there, on his bed, face in his pillow, thinking, yelling to himself. He beat himself up over why he felt like he cared for Ryou. Naturally, he had hit him before, but it never made him feel guilty. He hated the feeling, and then it hit him. He was human. But he was also confused. How was it, he could abuse Ryou whenever, but he couldn't bring himself to do it when Ryou deserved it. "Life's a bitch, and then you die" He thought to himself. He felt horrible inside. He was guilty, embarrassed, and afraid for his secret. He was also still pissed. He thoroughly hated Ryou for putting him through this, and yet, he cared for his well being. What was wrong with him? He was startled to hear a knock on the door. "It's Ryou. Can I come in?" Bakura suddenly felt as he had when he came home that day from Mouse's house. "No! Stay away from me!" He heard Ryou enter his own room, right next to his. Bakura got an idea about how to get the vile back, but he couldn't believe he didn't do it before. He would have to wait until Ryou fell asleep. At about midnight, Bakura stole silently out of his room, and opened the door to Ryou's bedroom, carefully avoiding the creak everyone else gets when they open the door. His skill at stealth was revisited after over a thousand years; as good as they were when he was a thief. In a way, he is still a thief. He opened it just enough to slip his slender body through the crack, and looked around in the dark. He couldn't see a damn thing. His ears impulsively became radar, and soon, he saw an outline of the room in his head using the sound he got from Ryou's gentle breathing. The bed was directly in front of him, and the closet was to his left. The TV and the Game cube were on the right. He walked slowly, making sure not to hit anything. He became accustomed to the fact Ryou never left anything on the floor, and began walking normally to the door of the closet. Suddenly, his foot hit something. Hard. He grabbed the foot, and jumped up and down, and realized he hit a bowling ball. "What the hell is a bowling ball doing in Ryou's room?" He thought. His toe hurt really badly. He finally made it to the closet, and started feeling through it. He finally reached the leather jacket, and found, thankfully, the vile still there. He put a hand in the pocket, and got hold of it. He pulled it out, and began walking out, trying to avoid the bowling ball. He was almost to the door. He knew he had it. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and it kept a steady grip. He instinctively grabbed the hand on his shoulder, and used it as a weight to flip the person onto the ground. He looked at the person, and saw it was Mouse. The hard thump he made on the floor woke Ryou up, now he was sitting in the dark room, holding a bat to his chest. He got out of bed, heard movement, and hit what was making the noise. Bakura turned around, and saw Ryou in the light let in with the crack in the door, and grabbed the bat. "It's me, you retard! What in the hell is wrong with you?" Bakura held his arms in the air, making him look huge. Ryou, naturally, went flying back into his bed. Bakura left, dragging Mouse with him, but not before turning to Ryou and saying, "Go back to sleep. Show's over." *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Good? Bad? Ugly? You tell me. Please R&R, and tell me how I'm doing! 


	6. The Flea

The Flea  
  
Disclaimer: This is getting old. Thanks to all those who have made very funny comments. It pleases me to know that what I wrote is not crap. It's humor, and that's what it's meant to be. Luckily, I haven't gotten any flames. Good thing, because I'll just use them to torture my sister's Barbie's into insanity. lol. Please remember Malik wants to be called Mouse in this story. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
Bakura pushed Mouse into his room, and promptly smashed him against the floor.  
"I can't believe you'd have the nerve to come into this house, let alone Ryou's room at 12:00 at night! What the hell are you doing here!?" Bakura was once again pissed, but he didn't care how much he hurt Mouse. He was ready and aimed with both fists to make sure Mouse wouldn't walk for a month, but he stopped, just to see what pathetic excuse he had to defend himself.  
"I needed to trade you! The serum I gave you was not a truth serum, but a growth mixture! For my plants, and the occasional manhood. Very powerful. Would make Ryou the size of the Empire State Building in a matter of minutes. I brought the real truth serum. Here!" Mouse shoved another beaker into Bakura's hands, making him drop his fists, and the growth serum. It fell, as if in slow motion, and landed on the carpeted floor, shattering the glass, and spilling the liquid all over the floor. There was a sudden jolt of blinding light in the room. The lights flickered, but became steady after about a minute. When both boys came to, they were both on the ground, right next to each other. In fact, they were almost kissing. Not like they had a choice. There was no room to move around in. Bakura thought they were under the bed, but quickly dismissed the idea when they didn't poke themselves on the various razor blades and stainless steel knives he kept under there. Then he looked up. He saw pincers. Pincers the size of Chewbacca, and just as hairy. Then he knew what the huge thing on top of them was.  
"I-it's a f-flea!" Yelled Mouse, suddenly realizing what it was as well. It was taking up the whole room, and had the two pinned under it's massive body. They heard the door open.  
"Hey, who was that dude-" Ryou stood there and stared at the giant flea.  
"It's a-"  
"We know it's a flea! Bakura, do you have any baby food?" Malik was yelling in Bakura's ear, so he got kneed in the balls. "What the hell do we need baby food for!? It's not going to help us!" Bakura yelled back. "Yes it will. It's the counter for the growth serum. It'll make the flea small again!" Mouse's words were struggled, as he still was holding his crotch in pain. Bakura thought a moment, and then had an expression like he paid the electric bill for the light bulb that went off over his head. "Ryou, get the carrots!" Ryou looked at Bakura like he had lost it." You know, the ones from the stew?" Ryou got it now. It was the consistency of baby food. Ryou left the room and ran downstairs. There were leftovers from dinner, because after the TV incident, no one else ate. Ryou used some chopsticks (from here on out, I'm referring to them as "hashi's" because that's what I'm used to. Hashi means "chopsticks" in Japanese) to fish out the carrots, and it took him nearly 15 minutes to get all of them out. Next, he mashed them all up with a fork, which didn't take very long. He ran back upstairs with the bowl of mashed carrots, and burst through the door.  
"It's about time! You've been nearly twenty minutes!" Bakura was yelling loudly into Mouse's ear, so it was Bakura's turn to get kneed in the balls. He missed, though, but hit a reflex in Bakura's knee, making his foot shoot out. You can guess what happened.  
"What do I do?" Ryou was close to crying. He hated bugs. Especially ones that are ten times his size.  
"Toss it into the bug's face! Yelled Mouse, who was clearly not going to be intimate for some time. Ryou hesitated, then threw the food, bowl and all, on to the pincers. Immediately, the flea got smaller, and smaller, until he was regular size, landing in the now empty bowl of carrots. Bakura got up, stretched a little, and ran to Ryou and hugged him. Ryou was stunned. He just stood there, clueless. Bakura himself just realized what he was doing, and he pushed Ryou away. A little too forcefully. Ryou fell over, and, getting up to go to bed, turned to Bakura and said,  
"You're cleaning up all these carrots tomorrow." *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* So, how's it going? Right way, wrong way? Tell me! Plz R&R! 


	7. Phase 1

Phase 1 Disclaimer: If I keep writing this, I'm going to get cramps, and not update, so for the sake of all you people, I'm going to just put see ch. 1. Okies? Thanks to the people who have reviewed. I'm glad you think it's funny, and I'll update as often as I can. To tell you the truth, I wrote the entire story before this in one day, and it was all because of you lovely peoples. Keep 'em comin! *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
Bakura was on the floor of his room for nearly all of the next day. It was hard as hell to pull mushy carrots out of a white, carpeted floor without leaving some orange, but he finally got most of it out. Well, to Ryou's satisfaction, anyway. He also had to clean up a mega sized dropping of the fleas, but it wasn't that hard. He put a little carrot on it, and soon, you couldn't even see it. After he was done, he went downstairs to the kitchen to heat up leftover stew, but Ryou looked at Bakura and told him to go take a shower, because he was not handling food in his condition.  
  
While Bakura was in the shower, he was thinking to himself. So much so, that he didn't have the mental capacity left to rinse his hair out, and he had to get back in the shower after the blow dryer left his hair a matted mess. But the important thing is what he was thinking about. He had been thinking about it all while he was cleaning the carrot, and he had had dreams about it the previous night. Why in God's name did he hug Ryou? He kept trying to dismiss it with him getting brainwashed by Barney, which he hadn't seen since the taking of the picture. This pissed him off. He was forgetting the words to the songs. But his mind wouldn't let him do that. It kept coming to the conclusion that Bakura actually cared for Ryou, and it wouldn't stop until Bakura himself realized that. Once he was done, he went downstairs again, and by this time, it was already eight. He went into the kitchen, and saw Ryou standing there, with a sweeter than sugar smile, holding up the "Kiss the Cook" apron. At this, Bakura shouted at himself. How can you care for a boy whose making you do humiliating things with blackmail?! You stupid, soft, fucking retard! After his mental self-bashing moment, be grabbed the apron, and put it on inside out. Ryou shook his head, retaining the smile the whole time. Bakura made a very obvious exasperated noise, and turned it around. Ryou smiled even wider, and left the kitchen. Bakura pulled out the stew, and put some into two bowels, and stuck them in the microwave. See, he still didn't have much common sense, and he forgot to cover the bowls. He heard an explosion from the microwave, and went to see what happened. A large bubble of liquid had popped, making the whole inside of the microwave brown. He pulled out the bowls, wiped them off, and set them on the table. Ryou was again sitting in front of the couch, flipping through channels. He stopped, though, at the news right before the barney station. Bakura cleaned out the microwave, which took some time, and when he was done, there were little dots of brown at the ends of his silvery bangs. Shit. I need another shower. He was talking to himself again. When he was done, the stew was incredibly still warm. He put his hand in his pocket, and pulled out a little glass beaker. He opened it, and dumped it's contents in Ryou's stew. He gave the bowl to Ryou, who complimented on the texture, now the carrots were gone. Phase 1 of my plan, done, Bakura thought, while watching Ryou eat the stew. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Better, Worse, You tell me! Please R&R! 


	8. Bakura's Revenge

Disclaimer: What everyone else is saying here. Thanks to all the people who have reviewed here's a list of them, and my comments to each.  
  
Saturn Imp: Yeah, I hate bugs, too. I especially hate fleas; maybe that's why my insanity forced me to make the bug a flea.  
  
Alina: Well, I hope you come to like my story more, I think it gets better.  
  
Sarina Fannel: Thanks; it always pleases me to know my insanity doesn't go unnoticed. I wrote all this in one day, so I'll probably be done with the story at the end of next week.  
  
Nabichick: When I read your review, I was laughing! I never thought that people would think he was watching porn!  
  
Vegeta-is-forgotten: I plan to. *Evil Grin*  
  
Dustbunny: Yeah, how do you think I feel, I have to write the story!  
  
Black Magician Girl: A lot of people said they couldn't see Bakura watching Barney, you're not alone! I can't, but I can write about it!  
  
Again, thanks to all those who have reviewed. Glad you like it! *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* *Warning* mild violence, no gore.. this chapter. *Warning*  
Mouse had told Bakura the truth serum takes full effect after four hours, so Bakura waited until midnight to strike. His closet was a walk in, but it would be used for a different purpose that night. He emptied it of all the leather and latex out of it, and stuffed it under his bed. Bakura hoped to God the sharp, silver, pointy instruments of torture would not cut his clothing, but he was too lazy to move it. He had taken, though, a razor out from under there, and placed it under his tongue for safe keeping, until he would need it. After it was clear, he dragged what looked like a dentist/electric chair into the closet, there being plenty of room to fit five if need be. Then he pocketed packages of ketchup for later. Then he left, and turned out all the lights, and pretended to sleep.  
  
Ryou suspected something when Bakura went to bed after they ate, because he usually stayed up till one in the morning to watch porn. Or Barney. Whichever he felt like watching. At ten, Ryou decided to go to sleep; he was too tired to think about what Bakura was going to do. He went into his room, changed into some PJ's with Change of Hearts all over them, and settled in. At ten to midnight, Bakura decided to go get Ryou then. He reached under the bed, and grabbed a conveniently placed butcher knife, and walked stealthily into Ryou's room. He slid behind the headboard, he was skinny enough to fit, and made hooting noises like an owl. Ryou woke up, and sat up, trying to locate the source of the noise. Bakura acted quickly. He put his left hand over Ryou's mouth, and the butcher knife right under his chin.  
"I'd come with me if I were you." Bakura whispered, shattering the silence that befell the room. He slid around from the back of the bed, all the while, never moving either of his hands from the desired position. He nudged Ryou with the kife, signaling he should get out of the bed. Ryou okeyed, trying not to move his head. Bakura led him to his own room, and the closet. He told Ryou to sit. Ryou did, and then, and only then, did Bakura drop the knife to strap Ryou in. He did the feet first, then hands, then torso. He made the chair earlier, so it would fit Ryou.  
Ryou was scared out of his mind. He thought that his Yami had a Yami, that made Bakura seem nice. After he was completely strapped in, Bakura looked at Ryou, an expression of utter terror on his face, and pulled the razor blade out of his mouth.  
"Now, we have our fun." *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Sorry about the shortness. Ryou does not get hurt. This is a Humor story, only this chapter is not very humorous. Trust me, though the next one will be. Please R&R! 


	9. Bakura's Revenge 2

Bakura's Revenge 2 Disclaimer: Duh *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
Bakura held up the razor, making sure the light made it look sharp and menacing. Ryou suddenly yelled really loud.  
"Fine! I admit it. I-I-I was the one who told Yami you were a whore! It was me! Don't hurt me." That last sentence sounded really sheepish, and made Bakura laugh, but then he got it.  
"You did WHAT?! You little sucker! I was wondering how he found out- I mean, thought that one up. What else have you got to tell me?" Bakura was now curious more than anything. Ryou shut his mouth.  
"Tell me goddamnit!" Ryou's lips were like they were super glued together. Bakura thought he should bring out plan B. He stood behind Ryou's head, and began dripping ketchup on Ryou's forehead. He knew Ryou didn't like blood, and he also knew Ryou knew he liked to inflict pain on himself, making for the perfect setup. Now Ryou thought Bakura was slicing himself open, and was dripping all over Ryou. When in reality, it was ketchup. Of course, because Ryou couldn't move, he did think it was Bakura's blood. He hated blood.  
"Alright! I'll talk. Just stop ripping yourself open!" Bakura smiled, and walked around to where Ryou could see him, having put ketchup all over his shirt to make it look convincing. He smiled the same smile that Ryou made when he was ordering Bakura around. Ryou now realized why Bakura didn't like it.  
"I was also the one that put laxative in your coffee. And I sicked Mrs. Meyers dog on you. And I put sugar in your conditioner. And I was the one who put fleas in your room. And I was the one who put up the billboard over the highway that said you were a wanted man!" Ryou was going on and on, the truth serum was working, Bakura guessed, some of the things Ryou was saying, he never found out about.  
"And I told people you were an alien, and I never polish the ring, and I only wear this crap (he pointed to his clothes) in public to piss you off, and I payed those dudes to lock you in a girl's bathroom with cheerleaders in it, and I made that stupid "Kiss the Cook" apron. Ryou stopped to take a breath. He was ready to start up again, when Bakura stopped him. Well, you haven't told me what I came here to find out. Where's that damn picture?" Bakura was upset, now that he knew who had done all those things. But still, more than ever, he wanted to know where that picture was. Ryou tried frantically to get to of the chair, but to no avail. Bakura got mad, and pinned Ryou's shoulders to the chair, and stared daggers in his eyes. His silver hair blocked most of Ryou's view of his captor, but they failed to cover his eyes.  
"Where-is-the-picture? Tell-me-now-before-I-cut-your-head-off-with- the-bucher-knife!" Bakura was seething. His eyes were like fire, and they burned into Ryou, who could only sit there and be helpless. Ryou did the only thing he could.  
"I wuv you, you wuv me, were a happy family." Ryou was singing the song in desperation. He didn't know what to do. Bakura cracked. He laughed so hard, he fell down onto the floor like Ryou had just kicked him, or something. He sounded like a maniac. He was rollong around, fits of laughter tackling him like pro football players. When he was done, (which took awhile) he stood up, and looked at Ryou again.  
"Fine. I'll take you to it. Follow me." Ryou sounded defeated. Bakura, on the other hand, was singing inside. The end of the torture! Everything would be back to normal! He untied Ryou, and opened the door, using the butcher knife to keep hold of him, and Ryou led them out into the front yard. He pointed at something to their left, and Bakura looked at it. Ryou pushed away the hand with the knife, and RAN LIKE HELL! He ran, he knew Bakura was close behind, and he knew that he could run faster then Ryou would ever hope to run. He ran for about a quarter mile, before turning abruptly, and jogging into a house. Bakura went up to the house, and knocked on the door. No answer He tried breaking in the door, and after the fifteenth attempt, (his shoulder was bruising) finally knocked down the door. When he walked in, he was amazed to see what he found. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* What'd he find? I bet you cant guess it! There'll only be one more chapter after this, so watch out for it! Plz R&R! Thx for all your support! 


	10. PARTY!

Disclaimer: I not owner. Alrighty, then. It seems you all liked the tale, so you be sad to hear, this is the last chapter. Everything's resolved here, though, but I'm leaving a hole at the bottom to make headway into Yami's Secret. If you have an idea for Yami's Secret, please tell me! You will get credit. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
Bakura looked around the room. There was no one there, but everything was lit up, all the lights were on, and there were banners up for what looked like a party.  
"SUPRISE!!!" People, lots of people popped out of nowhere, and had yelled simultaneously. It scared the hell out of Bakura. Ryou snuck behind his dazed Yami to put a party hat on him. Ryou ran, and good thing too, Bakura turned around, still holding the knife, looking for people. He wondered what was going on.  
"What the hell is this?" Bakura asked everyone. Two people came out of the crowd, Mouse's Yami and Yugi's Yami. Yami stepped up to Bakura, and got ready to explain, but before he did, Bakura grabbed him, and put the point of the knife into Yami's back, and demanded an explanation. Yami, exasperated, told Bakura he was about to do that. Bakura let go.  
"Well, you see, we've all been caught, like you. Malik's Yami, you and me. Look at the walls." Bakura looked at them. On one wall, he saw the picture of him, blown up, watching Barney. He started getting real mad, but then he saw the other walls. There were pictures. Almost exactly the same, of the other Yami's. Their hikari's had caught them, too, in the act.  
"The party's for, well, us. Look at your hat." Yami was laughing slightly at Bakura's expression. Bakura took off the hat Ryou put on his head, and saw none other than Barney, and the words, "I wuv you!" on the bottom. He happily put the hat back on, and scanned the room again, now knowing why they were all there. He saw Jounouchi and Shizuka Katsuya, Seto and Mokuba Kaiba, Honda, Anzu (god, he hated her) Yugi and his Yami, Mouse and his Yami, and Ryou. He felt a little relieved his secret was out to a group of understanding people, but he was to be seen a shade of red the whole night, still embarrassed by the photo along one wall.  
"Let's have some fun with the Pharaoh" Thought Bakura, seeing the bar in the corner of the room. Now, he was wondering whose house this was.  
"You imbeciles! Whose house is this?" Bakura yelled over the racket from the music, which was a Barney remix. He looked around, and saw Jou's hand shoot up into the air. Bakura shrugged his shoulders, and went into the bar, and grabbed everything he could. He went over to the coffee table, which had a hanging tablecloth over it, and swiped all the porn off of it onto the floor. He set all the bottles down, and once again yelled into the crowd.  
"Yami! Wanna make this party interesting? I got booze!" Yami looked over the crowd, and saw Bakura sitting there with loads of hard liquor. Now the real party started.  
"Hey! I want in! Winner gets a pair of Isis' undies!" Yelled Yami Mouse from the middle of the stampede of people, pushing in for a better view. He fought with the crowd, and was soon sitting next to Yami on the couch, a bottle of rum in his hand. Now, everyone was gathered around the Yami's for the drinking contest.  
"I got 20 on Yami!" yelled someone.  
"I got 30 on Bakura!" yelled Ryou from the front.  
"I'll give you 40 for the undies!" Yelled a very hyper Jou. Now everyone was placing bets. Yugi walked to the bar, and came back with three shot glasses.  
"If you guys are going to get violently drunk, do it right." Said Yugi in a defeated tone. He handed each one, and started filling them with Russian vodka. Soon, the bottle was gone. After about 20 shots, Yami Mouse passed out onto the floor. The crowd moved him out of the way, watching intently at Bakura's attempts to stay awake. Yami looked as if he had yet to drink anything. Now they were on whiskey. After that bottle was gone, Yami made a lurching noise, and regurgitated into the waste paper bin next to him. Bakura suddenly stood up, and slurring his words and dancing in slow motion, he sang a victory song.  
"Who you callin' a whore now, Yami! I da whore! I da whore! You not. You not." He sang awhile before starting to river dance. He went to kick out his leg, but stopped when he hit something. It was something under the coffee table, concealed by the hanging tablecloth. He looked under it and saw, a safe! It had three coded locks on it, and an inscription. "Anyone caught trying to open this will either be banished to the shadow realm, or lose a limb from the lawn mower. -Yami P.S. If you are Bakura, I'll just kill you. -Pharaoh Yami"  
  
"Hey, Yami! Wazzin here?" Bakura shouted, even though the room was not as loud anymore. Yami had recovered, but still looked a little pale. Everyone else was giving and receiving money, according to the outcome of their bets. Yami suddenly ran over to Bakura, and picked him up by the scruff on his shirt.  
"Don't ever let me catch you near this thing, or I swear. You'll wish you were dead long before it comes." Yami now sounded like he hadn't had a drink in years, and even though he whispered, the whole room was now silent, looking at them. Bakura also managed a fake recovery.  
"It's a date, Pharaoh." He whispered back, not one hint of drink in his system. Suddenly, he gurgled, and heaved chunks all over Yami, who had now let go.  
"DAMN! You know how much starch it takes for me to get the tail of this coat to stick up in the air!? You ass! I'm going to be busy for weeks cleaning this! It's my good coat!" Seto passed Bakura and whispered, "Yeah, the coat sticking up thing was not all due to the animator." Yami removed the coat and stormed away. Everyone else cleared out of the room, getting ready to leave. Soon, only Yugi, Ryou and Bakura were left in the room. Yugi was talking to Ryou about something, he was quite sure he heard the words "carrots" and "flea". He ended the conversation by grabbing his abandoned knife, and telling Ryou they needed to go. All the while home, only one thought was plaguing Bakura. "What's in that goddamn safe.?" *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* So? It's over. *pout* but I'm going to write Yami's Secret next. If anyone has any ideas as to WHAT the actual Yami's Secret is, tell me. I need some inspiration. (stupid writer's block.) Donate ideas to the mentally challenged writer fund! Thanks for all your help with this story, hope you liked it! PLX R&R! 


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